This has been bothering me for the past few weeks.
I recently read this piece on The New York Times: The ‘Busy’ Trap. Go ahead, read it. The content will seat here, waiting. The piece is worth it, I promise.
And then I see videos like this, which in a very eloquent, lyrically beautiful fashion capture what being a man is:
Well, I believe I am trapped in this ‘busy trap’. The software industry is a great place to be in. There is immense growth. There are billions to be made overnight. There is a lot of great engineering and science in place. It’s a cozy and rewarding place to be in. And I love it. But it traps you. Company founders work 18 hours a day, and college life is not that different for tech students. However much we mock them, those wine-drinking nude-model painters surely seem to live a happier life.
How different is it really to work on the industry as an entry level engineer or as a Senior Principal Engineer Career-Incredible Architect Lead (S.P.E.C.I.A.L.)? Yes, responsibility is different, tasks are different, and the pay at big software companies is also substantially different, but the mindset required to get the job done is the same. The daily rush from seeing code compile as an entry level engineer might even be better than just getting the achievement of completing a project as a S.P.E.C.I.A.L. The grease on your hands smells better than the ink on your wrists. The pay for either title can easily support you and your family. And yet, almost everyone you talk to wants to climb high up the ranks. Everyone at the big companies complain that no matter what kind of results they achieve, they will never zucker Berg; he is the founder of the company!
So what then accounts for the insatiable nature of men? Is it in his nature? Maybe some psychologist could chime in with the latest theory on this. Is it the recognition of achievement?
The point is that I know that I am trapped in this feedback loop of overachieving. I am a workaholic. Everyone around me is, and we validate each other. Each one of us makes the others more competitive. We want to eat the world in days, and because of software, we are mostly able to do it. I still do not entirely understand why we do it, though.
It could be a matter of age. Everyone at a young age might swing for the fences, whatever the reason. While a few of them make it to the big leagues, the others settle and are left to enjoy whatever they have after their attempts, be it family or solitude. Recently, an exec in the industry was asked how he balanced work and personal life. His answer made everyone in the public chuckle: “What balance?”. The rumpus caused by a Facebook exec for admitting to leave work at 5 is a perfect example of where the industry stands.
It, then, becomes a matter of wisdom: you have to know when the payoff is not longer paying off so that you can hit the breaks soon enough to start being what Anis thinks a man is, to pursue other things besides career development. Go as fast as you can while you are young and learn to slow down as you get tired or priorities change. It would be awful to become the dad who is considered to be quite successful but is never home.
It could also be I have not found what I want to fully throw myself at.
Let wisdom be on my side.
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